I still don’t know.
I thought that i would forget V. after he told me that he will still be my friend. But i couldn’t. I really love him, since Friday i think on him everytime. Every thing I did reminded me of him. I couldn’t take him of my mind.I needed to see him.
So, today i gone to V.’s house, to talk with him. His mom and his brother were there, so we haven’t said anything about us (well, about me-loving-he, there is no “us” :( ). That wasn’t all that bad, we talked a lot about the show he gone yesterday.
Sometimes V.’s mother was in his room and we (i and his mother) talked about the show. I loved his mother, she’s really nice. :)
The bad part is that i still don’t know if he wants something with me or not. He said that he will still be my friend, but haven’t said that he is straight or don’t like me. He act like nothing happened. Today, when i told him that i must leave, he even asked me why so early. Ok, that doesn’t mean anything, but it’s not how a straight guy behaves with a boy that asked him out. If he is really straight, i like him even more, as a friend.
And i hate lying to my mother. Today, when gone to his house, i told her that i was going to the mall - what was partly true, i gone there after. But i know that this isn’t right, all my relationship with my mother is based in trust. I hope she forgive me sometime…
This may sound silly, but i always tell her when i go somewhere. And i should’ve told her that i was in love with a boy, but i thought it was irrelevant when i said that i’m gay and when i promised to be straight, i thought i would forget him.
I hardly go to someone’s house, so she would be surprised if i told him that i’m going to the house of a friend (“Which friend?” She doesn’t even know about V.). And now that i told her, she would find it suspicious.
