February 2009
3 posts
Wrongdoing
Yesterday i did something crazy.
I was in the bus and sat next to a cute boy Well, i put my hand on my leg, them on his leg. When i noticed, i was with my hand on his… Yeah, you know where. I couldn’t do anything, haven’t even found his “stick”, but the feeling of being so close to him, with my hand on such intimate area was really nice. Somehow i felt like being...
Totally confused
I definitively don’t know what to do.
I really want to be straight and when i think about what’s the better way to follow, i came to the conclusion thai i should be straight. But the problem is that even liking girls, my feelings for the boys are stronger. Today i started in college. I was so hopeful of finding a girl that i liked. There are lots of pretty girls. But i don’t...
How long...
I know that i forgot this blog. I had too many things to do and couldn’t post here. In this time, i’ve decided to be gay. I have decided that if i can’t in against it, there is nothing to do. I still feel attracted for boys and almost don’t feel nothing for girls. But i started wondering if a relationship would last as straigh’s do. And i don’t really can...
January 2009
1 post
I can't go against.
I’ve just figured that i can’t be straight… I can’t take V. out of my mind, even knowing that he wants to be just a friend. I still love him so much to think in another thing. I still dream about us getting together. Of course that the idea of being gay isn’t that good for me. I feel so afraid of seeing my mom that sad again. Sometimes she is upset with something and...
December 2008
12 posts
I still don't know.
I thought that i would forget V. after he told me that he will still be my friend. But i couldn’t. I really love him, since Friday i think on him everytime. Every thing I did reminded me of him. I couldn’t take him of my mind.I needed to see him.
So, today i gone to V.’s house, to talk with him. His mom and his brother were there, so we haven’t said anything about us...
Life is funny
I was almost right that i should take the gay way, because i was loving V. so much and i couldn’t take another way. So i told V. that i was loving him. I sent a sms to him on the last thursday and got no reply. On the friday, when i signed on the msn, he was online and i talked to him. We talked a bit, but he haven’t said anything about my sms, so i asked him if he got it. He said yes...
I'm confused
It’s not what, Good boys do Not how they should behave My head gets so confused Hard to obey
I don’t know if i can go straight. I want it, but the idea is weird for me. It’s crazy to think that i was wrong since i was 13. I don’t know if i really can have somethng with a girl.
And i’m really loving V. And i think that he feels the same way for me. I want to...
I don't know.
Sometimes i think that i’m just a coward. That instead of facing the problems, i’m running from them.
Maybe i should face all the gay problems and try to (help to) solve them.
I don’t know which way will hurt me more… Coming out will be terrible, but i don’t know if trying to be straight will be any better…
Monitoring you, like machines do
You’ve been walking, You’ve been hiding, And you look half dead half the time. Monitoring you, like machines do,
When i told my mom that i’m gay, i told her that i was monitoring myself in the last year to don’t have nothing with boys.
Yesterday we were talking and she asked me if i was monitoring myself. I said no, what was a lie in parts. I talked a lot with some gay...
Sometimes i think that would be better if i don’t try to be straight. I’m sure that i like boys, so why i would follow the doubtful way?
I feel that i really love V and that he can feel the same for me. I know that if i have something with him, it would be for real.
I’m afraid of discovering that i can’t be straight and have trouble to find someone for who i feel the same...
Here we are.
And here we are. I’m confused.
I like both boys and girls, but i prefer boys. I’m in love with V. I have a mother that hates the idea of having a gay son. I want to date V, but i don’t want to face all the problems that gays do.
I don’t like the idea of working hard all my life and when i die, everything that i worked for goes to my relatives.
I want to be able to show...
Mother (again)
Some day a (straight) friend came to my house and he started to took his pants off - he was with a shorts under the pants, but i haven’t noticied it and thought he was wanting to get naked in my house. And that turned me on (he is straight, so my defenses were totally off.)
With that, i decided to get fully straight and was planning to date a friend. I could imagine myself dating her, but i...
More Past
When i was 10, i met a neighbour and started to go to his house.
He liked to do some sexual “games”, like pretending he is fucking me, just to bother me.
I liked that and started to do the same to him.
Soon we did that (pretending we are fucking, with clothes) just for fun.
But those “games” were getting more advanced every time. First we started jerking off each other,...
Mother
So my mom asked me what that means. She had already caught some gay stuff that i watched and i told her that i was curious about that. But this excuse wouldn’t work anymore, so i told her that i was bi.
So she told me all the bad sides of the gay/bi life and i tought that would be better if i tried to be straight.
For over a year, i tried to be straight and it almost worked - i...
My past
I’ve already said about what i like, so i will now talk about some things of my past. Since i was 10 i felt some curiosity about boys… I never had any feelings for them, it was just sexual.
Until i was 13 i thought that it was just a phase, because i liked girls and had feelings for them. (And haven’t for boys)
But when i entered the 7th grade, i felt in love with a boy. At...
The start.
I need to start with something, so let’s go.
I’m a 17-yo boy. I don’t know how to describe myself. I do like boys and girls, but in different ways.
With girls I want to have dates, go to the park, all the romantic stuff, etc. But i can’t imagine myself having sex with a girl.
With boys I feel the same way i do for girls - except by the sexual part.
But I don’t...